Simple Acts Of Kindness Can Reunite And Reignite –
As time goes by, many married people complain that their feelings diminish, and that it’s just not the same anymore. This is a simplistic view of the way we mature in a relationship. Sure, things are not the same anymore, nor should they be. However, if feelings are diminished, it probably has a lot more to do with the way we treat each other than just time passing by.
Telling someone that you love him or her is important but not nearly as important as showing it. It is critical that you remind the special ones in your life just how much they mean to you, even if just by doing little things.
Whenever you do something for someone else without him or her having to ask for it, you will be driving home the fact that you care enough to put their needs first. To be perfectly blunt, offering anything without it being required will add to a positive relationship. And doing so on a regular basis will make the other person feel special, and that is what love is all about.
Ironically, it is often the little things, not the big things, that matter most. It is not usually about how big a gift you buy, or how big a party you throw, or how much money you have to throw around; it’s about the idea that you thought about the other person and his or her needs, wants, and desires.
And, when I say it’s about the tiny things, it’s about the really tiny things. Things like making the morning coffee, opening a car door, lending a hand to help in a moment requiring three hands, or offering to clear the table after dinner, or running a bath. None of those things take an investment from the savings account, but they do take an investment in thought and time.
Additionally, some little things can make a huge difference, like a simple unexpected message letting your spouse know they are on your mind. Sharing the last piece of chocolate cake or leaving a little wild flower on your spouses pillow just means “I thought of you.” That’s worth more than a million dollars.
Even telling a your spouse that you love them and believe in them, especially during times of extreme stress, can make a huge difference. Think about it – if your spouse is doubting their position in the work world, feels they’ve made a terrible mistake with the children, or experiencing another painful, self-esteem damaging event, would that person want to open a trinket or hear your words of love and support? The little things go a long way!
It is not so much about what you do as it is about the fact that you are doing something. The power lies in the act of unselfish giving, which has the power to change everything, including the way you feel about each other.
Once both parties adopt the mindset of just doing something for each other without expecting anything in return, it changes the perceptions each has of the other, and themselves.
If you care enough about your spouse to do something selflessly, it changes how your spouse sees you. Your spouse knows that you are a caring person who appreciates them. Your spouse takes notice and starts to respond in kind. Both of you win when either spouses gives.
By the same token, if your spouse keeps doing something for you without you having to ask, it will change how you view your spouse. You will see that they really do care, and again, you will respond in kind.
In other words, it doesn’t matter who takes the first step. When either spouse gives from the heart, in little ways, the receiving spouse will be uplifted, and feel like they really matter. With this change comes real sharing and a new commitment, which starts a whole snowball rolling down that hill – and just imagine the momentum your little unselfish act could create!
At the end of the day, the feeling of loving someone else comes naturally, but showing someone that love is an act of your will.
When you were dating, you loved doing things for each other. For whatever reason, you may have stopped doing those little things when you got married. You can blame the busy-ness of your life, the day-in-day-out monotony, or even your spouse. You can blame whatever you want, but the truth is, you only have one thing to blame – laziness. You weren’t lazy when you were dating, trying to win your mate, so why did the laziness set in now?
These very sincere manifestations of love, these tiny acts of unselfish kindness, are a big part of how we show love and feel love. Without these acts of love, your spouse believes they are not worthy of your time or trouble, and, unfortunately, responds from that belief.
So, it’s really quite simple. Go back to acting the way you did before you got married and you may suddenly go back to the way you felt before you got married, too. I guess I could have said that in the beginning and saved you all this time! Please, don’t let another day go by without sharing a simple act of love. Your marriage depends on it.